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👺 What Is The Inner Critic (and How Do You Heal It)?
- Stella Dove PDCH MBSCH
- Jul 2
- 7 min read
Updated: Nov 26
What Is the Inner Critic? — a trauma-informed reflection by Stella Dove exploring how early emotional wounds shape the harsh inner voice, and how Emotional Recalibration Therapy helps rewire self-worth and restore inner safety.
🧠 When Your Own Mind Turns Against You 💔
If your internal voice sounds more like an enemy than an ally, this is for you.
Do you:
replay conversations and tear yourself apart afterwards?
freeze before taking a risk because you’re convinced you’ll fail?
secretly believe you’re too much, too needy, or too flawed to be loved?
You’re not broken.
You’re being bullied by your own Inner Critic.
The Inner Critic is the internalised voice of shame, fear, and unworthiness that lives in your nervous system.
It echoes every message that ever told you:
You’re not enough. You’re too much. You’re hard to love.
This voice doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It is built — slowly or suddenly — around your most painful emotional experiences.
Let’s explore what the Inner Critic is, where it comes from, and how to begin healing it.
What Is the Inner Critic (as opposed to healthy self-reflection)?
We all need a capacity for honest self-reflection — the part of us that can say:
“I could have handled that better.”“I want to grow here.”
Healthy self-reflection is grounded, compassionate, curious.
The Inner Critic is different.
It is not interested in growth.
It is interested in control.
The Inner Critic:
attacks your character, not your behaviour
speaks in absolutes: “always”, “never”, “everyone”, “no one”
uses shame as a weapon (“What’s wrong with you?” rather than “What happened to you?”)
keeps you small so you never risk being hurt again
This isn’t motivation. It’s self-abandonment.
Where the Inner Critic Really Comes From: The Sensitising Event
You were not born speaking to yourself like this.
The Inner Critic is usually born in response to what I call a Sensitising Event:
A moment when your worldview shifted — not just because of what happened, but because of what you made it mean.
It might have been:
a parent withdrawing affection when you cried
being shamed for a mistake in front of others
a breakup, betrayal, or humiliation
years of subtle criticism, sarcasm, or being compared
a father wound, mother wound, or chronic emotional neglect
You may not clearly remember the event.
But your body remembers the meaning you gave it:
“I’m too much.”
“I’m not good enough.”
“I ruin things.”
“Love disappears when I’m myself.”
That meaning becomes a filter.
Every experience, every relationship, every opportunity passes through that filter before it reaches your conscious mind.
The Inner Critic is the voice of that filter.
The Inner Critic as a Trauma Response, Not a Personality Flaw
What most people call “low self-esteem”, “impostor syndrome”, or “being hard on myself” is often a trauma response.
Your nervous system learned, very early on, that:
being small = safer
being perfect = safer
being invisible = safer
The Inner Critic is your bodyguard.
It believes that if it shames you hard enough:
you won’t risk vulnerability
you won’t speak your truth
you won’t leave or change anything
you won’t do anything that could trigger the old wound again
It’s harsh because it’s terrified.
This is why you can’t simply “positive think” your way out of it.
The critic isn’t living in your logic.
It’s living in your nervous system.
How the Inner Critic Sabotages You
The Inner Critic doesn’t just hurt your feelings; it shapes your entire life.
👺 It labels you
“Idiot.”“Ugly.”“Too emotional.”“A failure.”
These labels become internal tattoos. Even when no one else is saying them, the echo keeps you in shame.
👺 It limits you
You don’t apply for the job.
You don’t leave the relationship.
You don’t set the boundary.
You don’t share your work.
Not because you can’t — but because the critic insists you’ll fail, be rejected, or be abandoned.
👺 It drives self-sabotage
You procrastinate, pick unavailable partners, overshare, shut down, or “mess things up” right before something good happens — then the critic says:
“See? I told you. This is who you are.”
In truth, it was trying to protect you from the terror of being seen, chosen, or successful.
👺 It conceals your power
Every time you’re about to take up space, it hisses:
“They’ll leave.”
“You’ll embarrass yourself.”
“You’re not that special.”
This is not reality.This is your past speaking.
Signs Your Inner Critic Is Running the Show
You may be living under the critic if:
You find it hard to accept compliments
You feel a constant background anxiety that something will go wrong
You believe you’re “too much” or “not enough” for real love
You apologise excessively, even for existing
You over-function in relationships and under-value yourself
You regularly think, “If people truly knew me, they’d leave”
These aren’t random thought patterns.
The Body Remembers: The Somatic Side of the Inner Critic
Just like rejection, the Inner Critic doesn’t only live in your thoughts — it lives in your body.
Notice what happens when the critic gets loud:
tight chest
knot in the stomach
shallow breath
hot face, prickly skin
urge to hide, perform, or fix everything
This is your threat system activating.
The nervous system doesn’t distinguish between:
“My parent is disappointed; I’m not safe”and
“My boss gave me feedback; I’m still safe.”
It just knows: “This feels like before. Protect. Withdraw. Attack myself first.”
In Emotional Recalibration Therapy, we work directly with these imprints — through breath, awareness, hypnosis, and somatic repair — so the body learns it no longer needs to brace.
Inner Critic vs Intuition
One of the most important parts of healing is learning to distinguish between Intuition and Inner Critic.
Intuition is calm, clear, and grounded — even when it asks for big change.
The Inner Critic is frantic, shaming, and catastrophic.
Intuition sounds like:
“This doesn’t feel aligned. I deserve better.”
The critic sounds like:
“You’re a mess. No one will ever want you. Be grateful for crumbs.”
Healing asks us to turn down the critic so we can hear the quiet, truthful voice beneath it.
How Emotional Recalibration Therapy Helps Heal the Inner Critic
This work isn’t about forcing yourself to “be confident” or shouting affirmations over your pain.
It’s about recalibrating the filter that formed in your sensitising event — and teaching your nervous system a new way to relate to yourself.
Through Emotional Recalibration Therapy and Inner Child Healing, we:
track where the critic took root
meet the younger self who created it
release the meanings that were never true
rebuild emotional safety from the inside out
practise new ways of speaking to yourself that actually land in the body
We’re not trying to eliminate the critic by force.We are re-training it.
Over time, the same protective energy can shift from:
“You’re worthless; don’t try.”
to
“I’ve got you. Let’s move carefully, but we can move.”
That is what nervous-system-based healing does.
Questions to Reflect On
Gently, honestly, you might like to explore:
When do I first remember feeling “not enough”?
What did I make that moment mean about me?
Whose voice does my Inner Critic sound like? (Parent, teacher, ex-partner, religious figure, culture?)
Where do I feel the critic in my body?
If my Inner Child could answer back, what would they say?
You don’t have to do this alone.But you do deserve to understand why your own mind has felt like a battleground — and how to make it a home again.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the Inner Critic?
The Inner Critic is the internalised voice of shame and fear that formed in response to early emotional pain. It speaks in harsh absolutes, attacks your worth, and tries to protect you from future hurt by keeping you small.
Is the Inner Critic the same as my true self?
No. The Inner Critic is a programme, not your essence. It grew from sensitising events, attachment wounds, and trauma. Your true self is the one who can notice the critic, question it, and choose differently.
How is the Inner Critic linked to childhood trauma?
When love, attention, or safety in childhood felt conditional, the child often blames themselves. “If I were better, they’d stay. If I were less, they’d be calm.” These beliefs harden into the Inner Critic, which continues to shame you long after the original situation has passed.
For more on how childhood trauma imprints the brain and body, see:📖 The Neurological Impact of Childhood Trauma
Why do I self-sabotage when things are going well?
To your Inner Critic, success, love, or visibility can feel dangerous. If you associate being seen with being shamed or abandoned, your nervous system may try to “protect” you by tanking opportunities or relationships before you can be hurt. This is survival, not stupidity.
How do I start healing my Inner Critic?
Begin by noticing when the critic speaks and how it feels in your body. Name it: “This is the Inner Critic, not the truth.” Offer yourself gentle counter-statements rooted in reality, not fantasy. Trauma-informed approaches like Emotional Recalibration Therapy help you work with these patterns at the nervous-system level, not just in your thoughts.
Can Emotional Recalibration Therapy really change this?
Yes — not overnight, but deeply. Emotional Recalibration Therapy combines inner child work, hypnotherapy, and somatic awareness to:
soften the critic’s grip
restore nervous-system safety
rebuild self-worth from the inside out
help you relate to yourself with compassion rather than attack
You don’t become someone else.
You become who you were before the wound took the wheel.
Further Reading: Healing the Roots Beneath Your Inner Critic
If this piece stirred something in you, you may find these related reflections helpful:
When caring becomes self-abandonment. A trauma-informed look at hyper-empathy, people-pleasing, and how to set boundaries without losing your heart.
📖 What Is Functional Freeze? When you look “fine” on the outside but feel numb, stuck, or disconnected inside. How chronic overwhelm and shutdown are nervous-system adaptations — and how to gently thaw.
How chronic invalidation and psychological manipulation erode your sense of reality — and feed the inner voice that tells you you’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”
Understanding narcissistic traits, cycles of idealisation and devaluation, and why those with deep empathy and father/mother wounds are especially vulnerable.
How early emotional pain reshapes the brain and nervous system — and why your inner critic, anxiety, and shame are rooted in physiology, not personal failure.
🫀 Ready to Begin Healing Your Inner Critic?
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You are not too much.
You are not broken.
You are becoming.
🎥 Prefer to watch instead?
You are not too much. You are not broken. You are becoming.
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