❤️‍🩹 Why Healing Can Feel Painful

Q: What does “the pain and pleasure of healing” really mean?

Healing isn’t a straight line—it's a stretch. The pain reflects body and mind releasing old patterns; the pleasure arrives as you build new safety, trust, and self-worth. Both are part of recalibration and signal that transformation is happening.

Q: Why does healing from trauma feel exhausting?

When trauma-informed inner child healing begins, the nervous system learns new ways to feel safe. This rewiring can feel like emotional DOMS—delayed onset muscle soreness—because you’re using parts of your emotional life that have long been dormant.

Q: Is it normal to feel worse before you feel better?

Yes. As buried emotions surface, intensity can rise temporarily. This is not regression; it’s release. Your system is learning to process rather than suppress, which takes energy. Rest, hydration, and compassionate pacing are essential.

Stella Dove PDCH MBSCH
May 13
6 min read

Updated: Nov 19

The Pain and the Pleasure of Healing ❤️‍🩹

Stella Dove writes “Remember Who You Are” on a flip chart during a group healing session, smiling warmly with silver-streaked hair and a colourful dress. This image accompanies her reflection The Pain and Pleasure of Healing, exploring how emotional recalibration reshapes the nervous system and why the ache of growth is a sign of coming alive.

Why Healing Can Feel Painful

Most of us have no idea how it truly feels to heal — to meet pain and recover — because we’ve trained ourselves to numb the hurt and we've been sleepwalking through our own existence.

We inherit belief systems from caregivers enthralled by their own conditioning. Then we absorb more — from family, peers, schools, screens, and society — until our nervous systems are fluent in survival, not self-trust.

So when you finally begin the work — trauma-informed inner child healing, emotional recalibration, or somatic practice — you may be surprised by how unnatural healing feels at first.

Much like the ache after your first stretch class, the pain and pleasure of healing can leave you sore in unexpected places — tender where old armour starts to crack, raw where truth meets muscle. But each gentle repetition — each breath, boundary, and moment of honesty — brings you closer to wholeness.

🧘‍♀️ Healing Feels Like the First Stretch - Why Healing Can Feel Painful

Learning to challenge your mindset — to question everything you once believed about love, safety, and worth — is like walking into your first stretch class.

You look around. It seems simple. Other people make it look graceful.

Then you try to balance on one leg — and fall flat on your arse.

The first time you stretch muscles that have been dormant, they protest.

The first time you move differently, your body resists.

You might shake. You might ache.

And the next day, you’ll feel sore in places you didn’t even know existed.

The same is true for emotional growth.

When you begin to stretch your heart, your boundaries, your nervous system —

you awaken what’s been locked, braced, or buried.

That tenderness you feel?

That’s not failure.

That’s the pain of re-entry — the discomfort of aliveness returning.

💥 Emotional DOMS: The Ache After Awakening

In physical training, DOMS — Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness — is the ache that sets in after effort. It’s your body saying: We did something new. We’re rebuilding stronger.

In healing, the same principle applies.

After deep inner work, you may feel emotional soreness:

Old memories surfacing
Mood dips or fatigue
Overwhelm or irritability
Grief without obvious reason

This is Emotional DOMS — the residue of release.

You’ve stretched beyond your old range of motion.

You’re rewiring emotional muscle — from rigidity to resilience.

And like the gym, the ache is temporary.

It’s a sign of growth, not regression.

🌀 The Fear of Leaving the Familiar

Yet pain isn’t the only resistance. There’s also fear.

Your old patterns — people-pleasing, perfectionism, emotional suppression — may have hurt you, but they protected you. They kept you loved, or at least safe.

So when you begin to change, a part of you panics.

The mind whispers, Don’t move — it’s dangerous to be different.

The body echoes,

We survived this way — don’t you dare let go.

Healing is not just the death of suffering.

It’s the death of who you became to survive it.

And endings, even necessary ones, ache.

This is why so many people stop halfway —mistaking discomfort for danger, soreness for setback.

But the fear is a threshold, not a warning.

If you can stay — breathe — stretch through the tremor —

you’ll find something waiting on the other side:not collapse, but capacity.

💡 Why Six Weeks Matters

In fitness, it takes roughly six weeks to see visible change.

In therapy, six weeks is also the first turning point — the nervous system’s natural rhythm for integration.

This is why my Emotional Recalibration Therapy container spans six weeks.

Because change — real, embodied change — needs repetition, regulation, reflection.

Each session is another stretch, another rep, another neural circuit learning safety in softness.

And just as muscles grow through micro-tears, your emotional resilience grows through micro-shifts — the daily decision to stay conscious when you’d rather collapse.

⚖️ Managing Expectations: Healing Is Not Linear

No one walks into a gym once and leaves transformed.

You show up. You sweat. You rest. You return.

Healing is the same.

There will be days of strength, and days you feel fragile.

There will be breakthroughs followed by backslides.

You may even question if it’s working.

But each return — each conscious breath, each boundary held —is progress.

Sometimes the biggest shifts are invisible:

Saying “no” without apology
Feeling your feelings without fear
Resting without guilt

These are the quiet revolutions that rebuild a life.

🔄 The Healing Hangover

Boundary-setting is like leg day for the soul.

You might walk away feeling proud — and the next morning, you’re sore all over.

After speaking a truth, you may feel shaky.

After leaving a toxic pattern, you may grieve.

After choosing yourself, you may second-guess.

This is your healing hangover.

Your system is recalibrating — learning that safety can exist without self-abandonment.

Let it ache. Let it settle.Then come back to the mat.

🌸 The Pleasure of Progress

There will come a moment — quiet, steady, sacred —

when you’ll feel it: the first breath of ease.

The first morning you wake without dread.

The first “no” that lands without guilt.

The first mirror glance that feels like home.

That’s the pleasure of healing.

It’s not a high — it’s a harmony.

The nervous system learning what peace feels like.

And once you’ve felt it, you won’t want to miss a session.

🫀 The Invitation

Through trauma-informed inner child healing, you learn to meet every ache with empathy.

Through Emotional Recalibration Therapy, you learn to recognise the soreness of growth — and trust it.

You’ll start to see that discomfort isn’t punishment.

It’s progress.

You’re not falling apart.

You’re falling into yourself.

So if you’re reading this and something stirs —a whisper that says “That’s me” —

Take the next stretch.

💛 FAQ: Why Healing Can Feel Painful

What does “the pain and pleasure of healing” really mean?

Healing isn’t a straight line — it’s a stretch. The pain reflects your body and mind releasing old patterns; the pleasure arises as you build new safety, trust, and self-worth. Both sensations are part of recalibration, showing that transformation is happening.

Why does healing from trauma feel exhausting?

When you begin trauma-informed inner child healing, your nervous system is learning new ways to feel safe. This rewiring can feel like emotional DOMS — delayed onset muscle soreness — because you’re using parts of your emotional body that have long been dormant.

How can Emotional Recalibration Therapy help during this process?

Emotional Recalibration Therapy blends clinical hypnotherapy and somatic awareness to gently rewire the nervous system, teaching the body it’s safe to feel again. This balance of science and soul allows you to move through discomfort without retraumatisation.

Is it normal to feel worse before you feel better?

Yes. As buried emotions rise to the surface, it can feel temporarily more intense. This is not regression — it’s release. Your system is learning to process rather than suppress, and that takes energy. Rest, hydration, and compassionate pacing are essential.

How long does emotional healing take?

Healing unfolds at the speed of safety. Many clients experience deep shifts within six weeks — the length of my Emotional Recalibration Therapy container — yet integration continues as you practice new boundaries, self-talk, and nervous system tending.

How can I support myself between sessions or stages of growth?

Treat yourself like someone in recovery: nourish, rest, and listen. Use mindful movement, journaling, and breathwork to anchor change. Remember — every ache is evidence of expansion, and every pause is a chance to embody the new you.