Adult ADHD and Childhood Trauma

Go together like peas and carrots.

DO YOU DO ANY OF THESE?

This is all too familiar. In fact I took a screen shot of this weeks ago and saved it to my desktop - so two ticks, straight away.

 I literally feel giddy with excitement at the thought of a new notebook. A new one, even a modest thin one, is beyond thrilling, but a hardback notebook is beyond heaven. Writing on that first page feels like ultimate scholarly optimism. It won't help me take better notes, which need serious improvement, but I still do it.

 I take thousands of screenshots. I even screenshot books I'm reading, because I think I will remember to look again. I never do. Nor do I look at all the quotes I save, because the next day, there's like a gazillion more. I know this, yet I still do it.

 There isn't just a pile of clothes. There's a pile for ironing which rarely happens, a pile of worn but may wear again although I never do, a pile of out of season and ready to put away, a pile that need the right hangers, a pile that need repurposing, a pile in need of repair, a pile for the dry cleaners, a pile of ready to wash but waiting for the pile to get bigger to justify putting the machine on, a pile of hand wash only, a pile of dark, a pile of light... Add ADHD to OCD and you have the perfect storm. I'm super tidy and feel unsettled by mess and chaos, so everything, once sorted, gets shoved back into the ottoman, requiring me to re-sort everything into piles again. I know this will happen again and again, but I do the same thing, time after time.

 My desktop makes me deeply ashamed. A friend took a look the other day and she showed me how to make folders. I agreed it would be a good idea, but then, would I find things in the folders? She admonished me that she won't help me again with my tech, unless I sort out my desktop. I know it makes sense, but instead of putting things in the folders, I'm enlarging them, looking at them, and becoming distracted. I know I need to tidy my desktop to improve functionality and access important documents more quickly. I know this I know the importance of this, but it's been a week, and it's still not done.

 I can't manage more than one social event a day. Sometimes, I push myself to do it, and I wonder why the words coming out my mouth don't sound like me anymore. I can't do lots of socialising, unless I have a break. If I've facilitated a coaching and healing intensive, I need to process in quiet reflection. I know this, yet sometimes I over commit and then everything unravels.

 The concept of time is very difficult to those in the neurospicy universe. We think we can bend time. We know we can't, but we struggle to factor in the reality of life. It's horrible. I don't know anyone who doesn't feel genuinely wretched about this. A couple of weeks ago, I had an important meeting to get to. Everything was geared up and planned for this meeting but I left too late and had to run across St. James's Park, to make it on time. Fortunately, I can move quite quickly when it counts. Conversely, last week, I patiently waited for a podcast interview to start, my hair and make up done, feeling virtuously punctual, only to realise I was an entire week early. Seriously. I did that.

 Cancelling free subscriptions before they kick off into charging you crazy money for something you don't need or want anymore is a big thing. I learned to put things in my calendar, but probably not how to access the cancellation. One off sporting events and digital gimmicks usually get me.

 Even if I reach 104, I'm never going to outlive my collection of "Bags for Life." Thank goodness I've stopped using them now, and stick to my rucksack which means I'm not picking up any more bags, unless I forget my rucksack, which is more often than not, and try to carry things, or shove them into a decent handbag, which is never a good look.

Incidentally, there are usually loose almonds at the bottom of every bag I possess, lids to things I no longer have, and important receipts.

Any more you'd care to admit to and share?

Thanks Alex Partridge, ADHD Chatter Podcast host and founder of LADBible