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  • I often struggle with my relationships

  • I find it difficult to say no

  • I don’t have boundaries

  • I fear if I set boundaries it will spoil things

  • I’m a people pleaser

  • I don’t want to make a fuss

  • I’m highly self-critical

  • I feel I have often been treated unfairly

  • I crave connection only to find constant rejection 

  • I feel like nobody understands me 

  • I am lonely in my relationship 

  • I feel frustrated that my partner can be insensitive to my needs

  • I find it almost impossible to ask for my needs to be met

  • I often need reassurance 

  • I experience moments of insecurity

  • I feel worthless 

  • I think self-love is indulgent

  • Sometimes I’m shy

  • Sometimes I’m an exhibitionist

  • Sometimes I’m impulsive

  • Sometimes I’m angry

  • Sometimes I’m insecure

  • I can’t let myself go

  • I’m selfish or overgenerous

  • I rely on my appearance for validation

  • I often feel unattractive 

  • I wish people would take me more seriously 

  • I wish I could be more playful, joyful, creative 

  • I would like more gravitas 

  • I have been described as over-sensitive 

  • I wish my partner could understand me better 

  • I experience extreme lows in my relationship 

  • When things go wrong, I worry it will end my relationship 

  • I worry about infidelity

  • I am in or have been in an abusive relationship

  • I am not sure that I know what emotional regulation actually feels like

  • I am hyper-vigilant

  • I avoid picking up the telephone and prefer voicemail so that I can play the message over to make sure I’m hearing correctly

  • I have another conversation playing in my mind during the actual one I am having 

  • I’m very good at second-guessing people’s thoughts, words or actions

  • I wish I had more confidence

  • I shy away from expressing my needs because I fear an adverse reaction from my partner. 

  • I avoid speaking my mind because I think I’ll sound silly

  • Sometimes or often, I experience disproportionate hurt to the initial sensitising experience, which can lead to protracted or unsettled disagreements with my partner.

  • I avoid speaking my mind because I can’t see the point 

  • I find it difficult to control my emotions, lose my temper or become upset easily

  • I don’t sleep well at night and have disturbing dreams 

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If one or more of these sentences apply to you, occasionally sometimes or often, there is a high chance that you have experienced an emotionally triggering event in your childhood, usually by a parent, sibling, teacher, member of the clergy or person of authority. This experience has now gone onto affect the way you think and feel now, as an adult.


Childhood trauma actually alters the shape and development of your brain. An emotionally distressing event, particularly if it was protracted, or you sustained several events over a period of time would have actually arrested and slowed down the development of the prefrontal cortex which is the executive centre that is responsible for the self-governance of your brain. This is the part that learns how to evaluate and calmly make informed decisions. It regulates emotional reactions and impulses. It can predict, anticipate and plan. The amygdala, while extremely important for our safety mechanisms, is unsophisticated, primitive and reactive. It is responsible for our most instinctive of reactions, especially our protection, like the fight or flight mode. In Childhood Trauma, it will have enlarged, often preventing the normal development of your executive centre meaning you have an increased challenge to regulate your nervous system, therefore you tend to react more strongly to stimuli than someone who has experienced less trauma during their developmental stages and find it much more challenging to regulate your emotions. 
 

Your trauma has been making decisions for you…


When you experience childhood trauma, you develop coping mechanisms to function. You didn’t know any better and you had to get by. You will have creatively found ways to self-soothe and feel safe. However, continuing to use these same coping mechanisms as an adult is called, in psychology language, using Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms. The only way to heal your Inner Child is to give yourself the care, love and appropriate attention you didn’t receive as a child.


Getting triggered, making unsuitable relationship choices, lack of self-control, low self-esteem, inability to have your needs met, feeling depressed, can all be treated. You do not need to see these traits as a heavy burden you must carry for the rest of your life. You do not need to see any of the descriptions above as simply “Just the way you are made.” You were not made that way, you became like that, to cope. Inner Child Work will allow you to finally release yourself from all these Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms, so that you can finally give and receive wholesome, complete and unconditional love. 


Can you imagine living a life free from these dark thoughts that from time-to-time creep into your psyche and hold you to ransom? 


You deserve to finally be free of these Emotional Trauma Bonds and start your journey of Emotional Transformation Therapy so that you can live with strong, enduring and liberating Emotional Resilience.


Is there a distinct emotionally triggering event that you can recall from your childhood? Perhaps there is there more than just one? Even if your entire childhood was unspeakably abusive, healing your Inner Child whether you feel it mildly or profoundly, will allow you to finally live a life released from the pain. if you are prepared to do the work, you will find yourself opening the door to a newfound freedom.


Sometimes, we bury our emotional triggers because they are just too painful. We can’t or don’t want to remember. You may feel you have no way to identify or access your Inner Child. You may feel you cannot recall sensitising events, even though you are fairly sure they must have happened. Therapy with a professional is the safest way to navigate this difficult but worthwhile journey. Regression and or timeline therapy is also very useful for this.


Many people fear that accessing their Inner Child will be like “Pandora’s Box” and they will suddenly find themselves experiencing insurmountable turmoil. Let me reassure you that this process is very gentle; it doesn’t undo everything in one single session, but gently breaks down some of the protective layers you’ve wrapped yourself in as a form of self-protection. The trouble is, these layers, although they felt like the only choice at the time, may well have covered you up, but they have also prevented you from developing your emotional resilience in an organic, natural and healthy way. 

Inner Child Work validates and acknowledges our emotions, however ridiculous, shameful, needy or irrational they may first appear to be. You then learn to reparent your Inner Child, to fill the voids and to heal the wounds. 

It may be important to know that if you are still connected to the perpetrator of the initial sensitising event, you need not disconnect from them if you feel you cannot. You will be able to reframe your relationship, purely by working on yourself alone, and totally without their involvement. This is about Your Self.

Discover Emotional Transformation
in Leicester Square, Central London.

Book a complementary 30 minute discovery call

 

We need to know if we are a fit.

 

I will be honest: if I don’t feel I can help you, or I know someone better suited for you, I will tell you straight away.

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