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  • Writer's pictureTanya Mann

6 Tips to Boost Self-Esteem

Some techniques take years of mastering. Some people claim they can fix things in a day. This is somewhere in-between. Most of these ideas are just enough to help stop that nagging feeling of not being quite enough...



1. Nobody, nobody, nobody knows what’s going on inside.

Only you do. Nobody can read your mind. Remember, all your anxiety, doubts and fears are internal. In other words, project outwards what you want to feel, and gradually it will become reality. Pretend you are a character in a movie, someone strong, brave, powerful and help cultivate emotional resilience. Method actors do this in order to become the character they are playing. So think of someone strong in character. How do they do things? How do they move? How do they react to others around them? How do they approach the things that up until now you have perceived as stumbling blocks? It’s time for you to be the hero/heroine in your own movie. The movie of your life. I’ve written more about the power of choosing your Avatar elsewhere, but it deserves a short mention here too. If you’d like to know more about it, please search around.


2. Accept that things haven’t been perfect and may never be, however, this moment is perfect, exactly as it is.

If you feel stuck and misunderstood just because your past doesn’t exactly read like a fairy story, it doesn’t mean that you need to stick with that particular script. Throw it away. Become your own scriptwriter. Take control of your destiny. Be the designer of your life and the architect of your dreams. Decide how you want the story to play out, and then take the appropriate steps to get it going and make it happen. You must take control if you want to live the life you dream of. You cannot let other people decide for you. If you don’t have a plan for your life, someone else will. Responsibility is key here, from now on, you make the decisions…so too is having a clearly defined picture of what you want.


3. What are you prepared to do in order to get what you want?

Ask yourself honestly if you are really doing everything it takes to live your best life. This is where careful attention to mindset and life balance is pivotal. One of the most powerful ways to boost self-esteem and confidence is by taking care of yourself, internally and externally. Show your body some love by eating nutritious and energising foods. Get outside and get active to boost endorphins. Get hydrated – drink as much water as you possibly can. Try a new way to wear your hair. Get a makeover at a cosmetics counter.


Certain cosmetic counters do “Make Up Lessons.” You can go there and leave with a whole new look!


Go through your wardrobe and make three piles –


a) Clothes that you make you feel good when you are in public

b) Clothes that you feel comfy in at home

c) Clothes that make you feel uncomfortable and /or unattractive. From now on, play your A game every single time you step outside the house. NEVER allow yourself out in B clothes and you know what to do with the clothes in C. There are other people who need those things far more than you.

4. Aim to get as much sleep as possible.

We feel stronger and more capable when we get sufficient sleep. We tend to have better communication skills and confident conversations. Sleep deprivation torture is still used to inflict punishment, but are you aware that for the purpose of interrogation, is considered to be totally useless? Once a person is deprived of sleep, he or she can’t make sense anyway, and therefore would be completely unable to divulge critical information, which defeats the purpose. We all go through periods of insomnia, but if it is seriously affecting your daily life because at least two or three times week you are not getting sufficient rest, you should make this a top priority to resolve. Unless there is an underlying medical condition, generally speaking, fresh air, healthy diet, and a comfortable bed go a long way. Try yoga, stay hydrated and check out sleep meditations online. Oh and attempt to resolve any nagging personal issues you may have. Especially if you are attempting to sleep next to one of them...

5. Take responsibility and spend time with people who are good to be around and are good for you.

A serious declutter of the closest people in your life is an excellent way of reclaiming your sense of self worth and enhancing your well-being, but it is essential if these people bring nothing but negativity and bring your vibe down. Take some time to think carefully about your five closest relationships and as yourself if you are repeating patterns. Take responsibility for having attracted those people towards you in the past, then forgive your own bad judgment, resolve to make better decisions in the future, and simply move on. Don’t assume that people will always do bad things to you just because some have done so in the past. If you really believe that everyone is out to get you, then you should stop reading this and go to see a psychiatrist.

6. Self Talk.

Whether you believe you do it or not, we all talk to ourselves, and as far as I know, we are not mad! The conversation inside our heads is called Self Talk, and is probably the most important thing to address if we really want to improve our self-esteem and confidence. Take some time to notice the sort of things you are saying to yourself. Is it; “I feel ugly today, I don’t like my outfit, I’ll never make it to the train on time or I bet there won’t be a seat,” instead of “I look good this morning, I love my clothes, ooh, I’m going to run and catch that earlier train and there just may be a seat!” Of course the examples here are trite, but serve to illustrate how if cannot get the simple things to serve us well, when it comes to applying for a job, agreeing a business deal, or negotiating a raise, it’s not quite so silly. Practice improving your Self Talk by standing in front of a mirror and telling yourself three good things before you leave for work everyday. Just like exercising any muscle, you need to start somewhere and keep going to improve strength. I do extensive work on Self Talk because I know it to be absolutely foundational for Anxiety Treatment following Emotional Trauma and pivotal when it comes to rebuilding Emotional Resilience following a break-down in Self-Esteem.

BONUS LUCKY NUMBER 7!

The more you give, the higher your Self-Esteem goes. Small acts of kindness will boost your Self-Esteem and help your spirit soar. Paying it forward is a game changer. Think of the easiest and cheapest ways you can get going now - send an uplifting text to a friend, copy an article and send it to someone you know would appreciate it, kick start a conversation with an old connection. Arrange to have a virtual coffee online… then build from there.


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